AMAZING PEOPLE OF THIS UNIVERSE THAT I LOVE WITH THE HEART THAT BEATS INSIDE ME, I NEED HELP! PLS! my Home Work was to write a short story on either romance, fantasy, comedy, horror, real life, or a personal experience. as you see, I chose Romance. i need advice on how I can fix it and make it better! Please help you amazing and unique people of the universe!
TYSM!!
Along the Cherry road stands a boy holding his heart. It glows with an abundant amount of love. As people pass by, this boy voluntarily hands each and every passerby a portion of his heart. Each and every piece that the boy gave away was overloaded with love. Piece by piece that the boy gave away, each he gave with a big bright smile.
with each piece that got broken, thrown away, and even pPlayed with, the boys' heart grows duller and duller. Emptier and emptier. And yet, that boy gave away every. Single. Piece. Till the day he had no more to give. And through all the love the boy gave, none was EVER returned.

There is a girl who, each and every day, walks by the cherry road.
Each day she passes, there is a boy giving away pieces of his heart. Each time she passes by that boy, she sees loneliness and hope and love. And each time she passed by that boy, his heart seemed duller and duller. Emptier and emptier.
Till Oone day, on her way home, she saw the same boy that used to smile and hand out his love so willingly; she saw him sitting on the curb hugging his knees. He sat there, no love left to give, no strength to smile. Face as pale as a cold and dark winter night. She saw so much hurt and loneliness. More than any human could possibly ever bear.
This girl you see, She had so much love in her Very Oversized Heart. so much that sometimes she wanted to scream and dance and...share it all, but this poor girl, She never had a chance to share her love with another person.
But gazing at this love-less boy the girl made a decision…she would give this boy her love. So she did. But you see, This girl, she gave that boy her whole entire heart. Not because she felt pity for him or because She would take it back later on or even to make her look great to society, but, because she was very much aware that he required it, more than she ever would.

The boy would not accept it. “No way,” he said. “I can't take all this love. This is too much for me. I won’t be able to contain it all by myself. ” the boy said with a grin. A grin that was larger and more stunning than the girl had ever before seen in her lifetime.
Oh. . . all right then. I guess we’ll just share” the girl said “Furthermore, our love,” the girl says with a grin just as big and beautiful as his,

“will be greater and stronger than any love consolidated”

Teacher Comments:
"Your ideas are there but not executed well"
"many unnecessary words"
"many sentences need rephrasing as they make no sense"