Explanation:
Let’s paint a picture: you are grocery shopping at your local Tesco when an 85-year-old loon lobs a grenade at your shopping trolley and explodes your groceries, runs out of the store, escapes via the tube station across the street, takes the Victoria line to London St. Pancras railway station, and boards the 7:55 am Eurostar service to Paris-Nord in France where he belongs. Hundreds of dollars of goods are now burning in front of you. Is this image familiar to you? Of course it is.
Many people often suffer from the same experience, and it is because they have made a fatal mistake in their shopping routine. Do you see it? The answer is obvious. Your shopping trolley is an unarmoured target with no method of defending itself, which is an invitation for disaster. Today, we will show you how to modify your shopping trolley to successfully shop at a Tesco express in the dangerous area that is south London at 3am.
Let’s begin by upgrading the armament. We will begin by mounting a 12.7mm M2HB Browning heavy machine gun, plus another for anti-aircraft purposes against aerial attacks, and a few more if you live in Birmingham. We can also install a Trophy active protection system as a countermeasure against anti-tank guided missiles, rocket-propelled grenades, anti-tank rockets, and high explosive anti-tank rounds. The system uses a self-forging warhead to destroy oncoming threats by preemptively detonating the projectile. Our shopping trolley is thus no longer vulnerable to a multitude of threats you may encounter.
The only thing that our shopping trolley cannot effectively defend against now are kinetic energy penetrators, which is why we will mount ATGM launchers on our shopping trolley to penetrate the enemy before the enemy penetrates the trolley. As you may have noticed, the additional weight of the modifications we have installed on our shopping trolley has made it impractical for manual propulsion.
We can solve this problem by mounting a 5.4-litre 12-cylinder twin-turbocharged gasoline engine producing 1,100 brake horsepower at 7,800 revolutions per minute and five speed manual transmission. Thanks to the lightweight construction of shopping trolleys, we can achieve an optimal power-to-weight ratio, which gives our shopping trolley extremely high acceleration and top speed properties. This enables us to make flanking manoeuvres around the enemy and also do some sick outside overtakes on turns.
