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English, 06.10.2019 23:00 ashiteru123

Iwas wondering if someone could look over this for me? i am honestly not good with these.

when i was young i always had fun with my brothers, we used to imagine being in a different world in other words (roleplaying) we didn’t know it was a thing back then but now i know what it is, we used to do it a lot since we never really had friends our age to play with so we only had each other. at one point me and my brothers was taking turns riding a little bike, after my turn was up i started playing on a drainage and slipped and bussed my head open and i was bleeding everywhere and i didn’t start crying till my mom told me a was bleeding, so then after a lot of crying i passed out. couple hours later i woke up in the ambulance with my dad sitting right next to me and my mom, we started talking and laughing until i felt the ambulance stop moving and the rolled me out of the back. after being rolled to where i had to be. the doctor greeted and went straight to stitching my head, when he started stitching i never felt so much pain in my life, i was crying so hard i couldn’t breath and i kept looking up to light where he had it pointing to the back of my head where he was stitching, he kept telling me to stop looking at the light. after a couple minutes he was finally done with stitching and so we finally went back home.
couple of weeks later we are moving and since me and my 2 brothers was young we didn’t really have to all that much. my mom came up to us and asked, what toys you want to keep and what toys do you want to throw away and we picked the little to cars because the other toys we didn’t really like. while my mom and dad moving things we sat in the truck and waited for them to get finished. while waiting we was getting hungry and we couldn’t wait any longer so we started to cry. my dad came and ask what was wrong and we all said we was hungry, he told us to wait a little long they were almost done, so we stopped crying and sat there we eventually fell asleep. after we woke up, my dad was driving the truck too the new house, it was a nice house, better than the last one we were living at. after we got settled in we ate our food then we went to bed, because we were still tired from doing nothing and we didn’t feel like playing with the toys.
some days later my dad came back home with a kitten he was cute we named him (spots) since he had a lot of spots on him and was scared since he didn’t know his surroundings at the time. sometimes we would try to look for him and we would hear him meowing but don’t know where he is, until my dad found him in the attic wondering how he got up there we still don’t know till this day. couple days later my mom made french toast my favorite food, it was so good. after we got finish eating i went to play with my toys with my brothers until we heard a voice outside, we looked outside and seen a girl outside about our age, with her brothers, so we went outside and became friends. it was her and 2 brothers, she was the youngest out of them all, they were really cool and nice so were they’re parents.
now finally me and my brothers are finally going to daycare which is owned by my aunt, we met a lot of other kids and it was so cool because we made even more friends mostly boys, and only 2 girls they were cool too, we had lots of fun together. weeks later we are going to a school called “thomas g morton” school. a few weeks in the school when trying to go into the school with my brothers i was jumped by 12 kids because i looked like someone from they’re class, so i ran for my life, i ran into the front of the school and they told me to go back to the back of the school and i told them about my problem and they didn’t care, my aunt managed to capture 2 of them a brought them to the principle office and confronted them and they got suspended, and the other kids weren’t caught and i didn’t remember their faces so they got away.

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(your essay is coherent in some parts, whereas in others it’s not clear what you are trying to say. you make some points but your use of language needs a lot of work, especially your grammar, sentence structure, spelling, choice of words and punctuation. your introduction does not explain what your essay is about, and your essay body does not have proper transitions between paragraphs. there are too many and too sudden jumps which are not explained, as you have not written any background or context to what’s going on. this has resulted in jarring flow and poor continuity. your essay does not have a proper conclusion, either. review and rectify these errors and re-do your essay)

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Iwas wondering if someone could look over this for me? i am honestly not good with these.
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