Everyone knows the old saying, "If all your friends were going to jump off a bridge, would you jump too?" It usually invokes an eye roll, but the fundamental issue is one that almost everyone faces at some time: how to deal with peer pressure. Young people especially may struggle to cope with varying forms and degrees of peer pressure—whether it's keeping up with middle school fashion trends or being subjected to hazing in a fraternity house. Peer pressure can be a powerful force, but fortunately, increased awareness has led to numerous resources to help students, parents and educators manage it effectively. Learn more about how peer pressure is manifested—and how to face it.
Everyone has peers. Peers can be your friends who are about your age and have similar interests and experiences. Peers can also be other kids who are about your age and are involved in the same activities with you or are part of a community or group you belong to. You may not consider all of your peers to be friends, but they can all influence you.
Peer pressure can be positive or negative. When peer pressure is positive, it pushes you to be your best. Negative peer pressure is when someone who is a friend or part of a group you belong to makes you feel that you have to do something to be accepted. It’s the negative peer pressure that we usually think of when the phrase peer pressure is used. When you give in to negative peer pressure, you often feel guilty or disappointed with yourself for acting in a way that goes against your beliefs or values.
The desire to fit in and feel like you are part of a group is normal, and most people feel this way sometimes, especially in the teen and young adult years. Peer pressure, that feeling that you have to do something to fit in, be accepted, or be respected, can be tough to deal with. It can be overt (i.e., friends telling you to do something) or less direct (e.g., friends joking around about your not doing what they are doing, seeing others at a party doing shots and feeling left out if you don't, knowing a friend tried LSD and feeling curious about it). While peer pressure can be helpful at times (e.g., recognizing that your friends are studying more than you are as a motivator for you to work harder, noticing that your drinking is more extreme than your friends' and deciding to cut back), it can also cause you to do things you may not be sure about, or even things that you don't really think are right for you. Dealing with this pressure can be challenging, but it’s important to reflect on your own personal values and preferences and make decisions based on those rather than on peer pressure.
Being able to manege peer pressure is usually not that difficult if you are only surrounded by people whose values, preferences, and behaviors are similar to yours. However, in a college environment, it's very likely that you will meet people with a wide variety of attitudes and behaviors. At times, it may feel easy to know where you stand and act accordingly, but at other times, you might feel confused, pressured, or tempted to act against your own judgment. What's more, college may be a time when you are away from home and family with more freedom to make your own choices than before. You might even feel a desire to do things your family doesn't do or doesn't think are OK as a way to establish your own identity and try new things. Again, it's important to reflect on what you think is important, your values, and who you want to be. It's also good to try and think ahead to potential consequences of an action. If you go with the crowd and do something you might not have considered before, what will happen? Could there be a negative outcome? Could you feel bad about yourself for acting against your values or judgment? All important considerations!
When it comes to pressures around alcohol and other drug use, something else to think about is that most students overestimate how many of their peers drink or use drugs. The truth is that many fewer college students drink or use drugs than people assume. It's similar with sex and "hooking up"—most students have a skewed idea of what others are doing. Knowing the facts can help you to resist pressures based on the idea that "everyone is doing it" and that you must party to fit in.
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