Read the paragraph from a personal narrative. 1. I met Elisa. 2. She was sitting on a blanket with her mom and her sister. 3. I was tossing a softball back-and-forth with some friends. 4. It was a really hot day at the park, and my friends and I were sweating a lot. 5. We went to drink from the fountain, but the water was hot too. 6. Elisa called us over to her blanket and pointed to an ice chest. 7. “Help yourself,” she said. 8. When I lifted the lid, the tops of several brightly colored fruit bars came into view.

What is needed at the beginning of sentence 1?

a sequence word
a strong example
a different pronoun
a time word or phrase

i would say a time word or phrase. Sorry if im wrong

1. the details that would clarify the authors purpose for writing would be after the "haley collected used soccer jersey and sent them to guatemalan children." part, he would say, "and you can also donate today to save ". so far in the text, you can see no such thing. if, near the end the author persuades you to donate to guatemalans, then you know that the author's reason to write is to persuade you.

2. what details would make the text more engaging is to see the guatemalan children's reaction to getting free jerseys.

3. the details that convey the author's attitude would be an opinion by the author, for example, if he said, "haley was a very nice girl " or, you can find the attitude by finding parts of haley's personality that he highlights. you can strengthen your tones by using more descriptive words, and simplify long sentences as much as you can.

you're welcome ; p

i decided to stay late in the laboratory to continue my experiment with the lightbulb. at midnight, thomas edison opened the door and walked in with his head held high.

1. he leaned on the wall and observed me carefully.

2. his harsh scrutiny made me self-conscious of my skills in the lab.

3. perhaps it was just me, but the air in the laboratory began to thicken as i found myself having difficulty to breathe.

4. i turned to look at him fully as i mentally prepared myself for what my very first words would be to thomas edison.

5. the next couple of seconds shocked me. it wasn't me who spoke, but rather him and with diction i could never think of using in a simple sentence.

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hey, sorry if this was bad, i really didn't know what to write but i wanted to you. is there anything that you had to include within the excerpt?