(30 points) What I wrote:
( I remember my mother teaching me to read from the Peter and Jane books. They were old books but, I liked them. After that, we moved on to more difficult books, I used to insist that "photograph" had a "p" sound even though I knew it should be an "f" sound. Sometimes my mother would humor me and go along with "p-otograph" instead of "f-otograph".

Speaking of books, I have many favorites but some stood above all the rest. Being a young child, I loved all kinds of books, especially fantasy fiction books. Those stories were by far my most favorite. Geronimo Stilton was my favorite and I found it very fascinating. Back then I loved reading books written by Elisabetta Dami.

This school year, I intend to read 100 books, I have already read 25. This year I would love to read different genres, like Mystery or Thriller. I will also be reading to my brother and helping him out. I would like to get better at reading out loud.)

What my teacher wrote back:
1. Content:
You want to make sure you deepen your ideas by elaborating on them. For example, "They were old books" what do you mean old? Like your parents books, hand me down from your brother or sister, give more details to explain why they were old.
"But I liked them" - what was it about it that was so appealing to you? make you laugh? etc
"Then we moved on to some harder books" what were these books? how old were you when you moved on to these books? What was harder about them? well you mentioned the vocabulary was harder and your example was P vs PH. So just trying to add more detail and paint more of a picture through writing.

2. Organization:
Every paragraph should be like a mini essay. You open the paragraph with an introductory sentence. What is this paragraph about? example. " I have been asked to reflect on myself as a reader and create a reading autobiography. The hardest part is remembering about how I learned to read. I had to ask my mother to give me some details but here is what I have learned" Obviously this is just off my head but it introduces the paragraph and what you're going to be talking about.
Secondly transitioning from one paragraph to the next you have to try to connect the ideas. So connect what you remember about learning to read to the next paragraph which is where you are currently in your reading journey. "Remembering learning to read wasn't easy as I was too young to remember, however, I know exactly where I am currently in my reading journey"

3. Sentence structure is making sure they flow together, making sure you have a variety of sentence types (simple compound and complex - see video lesson under sentence variety if you missed it)

4. Try to replace basic words with higher vocab level - use thesaurus.

5. Basic Grammar usage and spelling