In the following excerpt, a writer tries to persuade his supervisor to respond to a government request for proposals (RFP) to build an unmanned surveillance plane for the military. Which aspects of the paragraph undercut the effectiveness of the passage

Create a well-crafted essay of 1-2 pages outlining a likely theory of king tutankhamun’s death at the age of nineteen. your goal is to convince peers your age that this is the most reasonable theory according to the evidence. incorporate the subjunctive and conditional moods within your writing. use the following rubric to guide your writing. remember to check your spelling (by using a spell checker and also against the original text) to ensure the proper spelling of names and places in king tut’s world. reminder: spell checkers are great, but they’re not always right. think about terms specific to egypt or even tutankhamun’s name. a spell checker won’t know if you’re spelling these correctly, so check with the reading to keep consistent. rubric criterion exceptional capable developing beginning points earned ideas & content main claim supporting details sources are cited clear, focused, interesting ideas with appropriate detail, sources are cited evident main idea with some support which may be general or limited, sources are mentioned main idea may be unclear; supporting detail is vague or off topic, some source information used central idea or theme is not stated; supporting detail may be nonexistent, no sources mentioned organization structure (claim/counterclaim) introduction conclusion strong organization; seamless paragraph transitions; effective and engaging intro and conclusion organization is appropriate but conventional; attempt at introduction and conclusion attempts at organization, inappropriate use of lists or bullets; introduction and conclusion are not developed no introduction or conclusion; no clear organizational framework or transitions voice personality sense of audience appropriate to audience; expressive, engaging, sincere voice is appropriate to topic, but inconsistent or dry voice may be inappropriate; writing may seem mechanical writer’s voice is inappropriate or nonexistent word choice precision effectiveness imagery broad range of descriptive words; creative examples, vivid details and images language is functional and appropriate; descriptions may lack detail or be overdone words may be correct but simplistic; no attempt at detail, description, or examples word choice is limited, words are often misused; supporting detail and examples are nonexistent sentence fluency rhythm, flow variety easy flow and rhythm; good variety in length and structure sentences are appropriate but lack variety and length awkward phrasing and structure, similar patterns and choppy language sentences are incomplete or difficult to follow, language is confusing conventions age appropriate spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar strong use of correct conventions; errors are few and minor most writing conventions correct; occasional high profile errors frequent errors; most do not interfere with readability frequent errors interfere with readability