Can anyone tell me how this poem is? Basically getting points for opinion. It is for English. I wish to be happy But i'm sadly depressed I see people laughing Get stuck in my head Yeah I'm alive But i wish i was dead No one to talk to And no one to text All of this pain I swear it be hurting My heart and my brain You said you would help But nothing has changed Looking for friends No ones around Feeling so lonely My tears hit the ground I want to be lost And never be found Lately i feel so alone Now I know why my grandma says I dont need a phone Nobody will ever hit me up And I'm stuck Never had someone that i could call my own I'm slowly walking down this road Fake friends that I didn't have to know Same ones that screw me over And whenever I need them I turn around and there is just a ghost I feel like I am at an all time low I am depressed and it hurts me to know My ex is happy and i can't seem to cope He's ignoring every letter i wrote I am so stressed And i hate being home I sit and overthink everything alone I wish i had somebody at home Dang I'm sick and tired of putting up a front Like i am happy when really I'm in a slump I try to stay strong screaming I don't give a fudge But if anyone would give it Then i am the one I want to put down my walls and open up I hide behind this rapper that I’ve become Addicted to being accepted Now i am done

There are some grammar errors, as well as some confusing parts of the rhyming scheme. I assume its written by stanza on the actual paper, but for the sake of explaining the errors more efficiently I separated it myself.

I wish to be happy

But i'm sadly depressed <capitalize the I’m, add a period

I see people laughing <this line and the next don’t make sense with each other. Even when put together it doesn’t form a full sentence. A better way to phrase it would be “I hear people laughing/ It’s stuck in my head”

Get stuck in my head < add a period

Yeah I'm alive <needs a comma after the word yeah

But i wish i was dead < capitalize the I’s, add a period

No one to talk to

And no one to text < add a period

All of this pain

I swear it be hurting < incorrect grammar. I assume it’s international, but it would be correctly phrased as “it really is hurting.” Or something similar.

My heart and my brain

You said you would help < rhyming scheme error. You have an A-B rhyming scheme so far, but here it switches to A-B-A-C. there should be a line between this and the one above that’s end rhymes with hurting. Then the poem can continue with “you said you would help...”. Personally, I’d omit this line + the next and replace it with something else. For example, “All of this pain/it really is hurting/my heart and my brain/it feels like they’re burning” or something similar.

But nothing has changed

Looking for friends but

No ones around

Feeling so lonely < should be “I’m feeling so lonely”

My tears hit the ground

I want to be lost

And never be found

Lately i feel so alone < rhyming scheme error. This line should rhyme with lost, and the next should rhyme with found.

Now I know why my grandma says I dont need a phone < for something to rhyme, it has to fit two criteria— A. Have similar ending sounds B. Be approximately the same amount of syllables. This is far two long to rhyme with the rest of the poem. A shorter way to make the “flow” match would be, for example, “I know why my grandmother says, “Lose that phone!”

Nobody will ever hit me up

And I'm stuck < rhyming scheme error. This could be fixed by switching the placement of this line and the line “never had someone I could call my own” it’s also just a bit too short.

Never had someone that i could call my own <needs to be just a bit shorter. I’d remove an unnecessary word like “that”.

I'm slowly walking down this road < I’d omit this line entirely. It’s unnecessary and messes with the flow of this stanza.

Fake friends that I didn't have to know < again, just a bit too long. I’d replace it with “All these fake friends that I don’t even know”

Same ones that screw me over < a bit too short.

And whenever I need them

I turn around and there is just a ghost< the flow doesn’t sit right with me personally. I’d change it to “Whenever I need them they’re nothing but ghosts.”

I feel like I am at an all time low

I am depressed and it hurts me to know < you’ve described your hurting as depression in another part of the poem already. I’d use a synonym unless you’re describing the actual mental illness.

My ex is happy and i can't seem to cope <a bit too long. I’d change it to” my ex is happy and I just can’t cope”

He's ignoring every letter i wrote < doesn’t flow right with me again. I’d change it to “it seems hes ignored every letter i wrote”

I am so stressed

And i hate being home

I sit and overthink everything alone< personally, I’d either remove these lines or make this one flow better.

I wish i had somebody at home < if you choose to keep these two lines, I wouldn’t reuse the word home. personally, I’d change it to, for example, “nothing to do but to whine and to moan.” (Not my best,I’ll admit, but it’s just an example).

Dang I'm sick and tired of putting up a front < would be batter phrased as “I’m so sick and tired of putting up fronts” so that it flows better.

Like i am happy when really I'm in a slump < add a comma after the word like, and a question mark after the word happy. I’d switch it from “really I’m in a slump” to “when I’m really in a slump” to make it flow better.

I try to stay strong screaming < commas after “strong” and “screaming”

I don't give a fudge < imo, replacements for swear words are cheesy and make the speaker sound immature. The topic of depression is, I think, too serious to use the word “fudge” so I’d use, instead “I don’t care at all” if swearing isn’t allowed at your school.

But if anyone would give it

Then i am the one < capitalize the I

I want to put down my walls and open up because

I hide behind the rapper that I’ve become

Addicted to being accepted

Now i am done

After stanza one, I stopped adding “add a period” because it applies to all sentences. Also, some of this is just nitpicking! It’s a really good start, and I wish you luck on making your assignment the best it can be :)

for me, i'd go with (c) satisfied or (b) overjoyed because if you read it a couple of times, it makes since that it is c or b. it can't b (a) angry because booker was never angry about anything. at the end of the paragraph, booker states, "i think there are not many men in our country who have had the privilege of naming themselves in the way that i " i think that sentence kind of gives away the also, some words in the paragraph can also you like for example, "indulged," "calmly," "perplexity," "privilege," and defining words that you don't know, can you understand more of that paragraph and it can also increase your comprehension. : )

i'm really rally sorry if i'm incorrect, but if i'm hope this ! : )

idk good luck

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