Tbh I have been having bad thoughts, I've been getting ideas of harming myself. I only have one person irl I consider as an actual friend but even our friendship is slipping away.. Im insecure about my body shape and looks.. its been like this for years now.

With all this self hatred/disliking now I have to deal with annoying siblings and stressful work.

I decided to do something.. I decided to think about myself. I noticed how I always felt sorry for younger me because younger me had a body I was proud of, younger me also was energetic and got along with siblings fine.

Someone once told me its the person your saying sorry to's job to forgive you. I decided to forgive myself, it may have not been good for younger me but if I don't forgive myself it wont look good for older me either.

I felt misunderstood but I realised the person who truly understands me is myself.

I just wanted to vent, sorry.